Encouraging My Daughter

Something I am trying to reconcile in my mind is about my daughter. I know, for right now at least, that I am the biggest influencer in her life. I don't want to get this wrong! My question is how should I influence her??

This weekend after I got dressed, she said she wanted to be my twin and went and got matching clothes from her closet!

I want her to know and to believe that she can do anything she wants to do. Can be anybody she wants to be. OK, Meri Hobbs, you want to cure cancer? You can do it! Want to own your own company? You got it! Want to fly a big airplane? No problem! Want to teach 5th graders how to conjugate sentences? Easy! Want to perform complicated brain surgeries? Piece of cake! You can do whatever you set your heart and mind to do! I believe in you!

But here's where the flip side is. What if God wants her to be a wife and a mom? What if that's her heart's desire? I think that's awesome!! But how often do I encourage that?

I don't want her to think that just because I chose to quit my job and stay at home, that's what she has to do. I want her to find her own way. And I know that a lot of people think that staying home is the only thing a Christian woman needs to do. (See my thoughts on that here). 

I don't want to encourage her so much to be a successful businesswoman that I discourage anything else. I mean, let's face it, it would be harder for her to quit a job as surgeon than it would to quit a job as a teacher. (Harder because of the money she would lose is a lot more...harder because the years she invested to get her education would be a lot more...)

So here's where I am in it right now. I am trying to, sort of, balance my encouragement. I will encourage her to do her best, succeed in school, get involved, find what she loves and pursue it. But I'm also trying to find those moments that's she's doing wife and mom things, and encourage those. For example, when she's helping her little brother zip his coat...."Oh, Meri Hobbs, you are such a thoughtful sister. You are going to be a great mom one day!" When she wants to help unload the dishwasher...."Meri Hobbs, I love how eager you are to help in the kitchen. One day, you're going to have a husband who appreciates the things you do for him." I also need to model to her how to be a wife and a mom. She needs to see that I view my "job" as a joy, not a burden. I need to show her that serving my family makes me happy, and that it makes God happy. She needs to see that I am not less of a woman or less important than working women because of my choice to be home.

More than anything, though, I want Meri Hobbs to learn to seek what God wants for her. I want her to learn to pray through her decisions. To search the Bible for answers. To have a peace that she is following God's heart in the choices she makes for her life. In the end, if she's doing that, it won't matter if the only thing I ever told her was to become a circus clown. She will do what God wants, and that is what this mom wants for her!

How do YOU encourage your daughters?

The Big Debate...Stay at Home or Work?

There is a big debate happening....No, I don't mean the presidential one. Stay at home mom vs working mom.  My oldest child is 6. I have worked/stayed at home about half and half. I have worked full time and part time during that time. About two years ago, I decided (again) to stay home. This time I think it's for good.

BUT, when I was working, I kid you not, I had a woman tell me that I was blaspheming the Word of God by working. Say what?! Now, I believe this lady had great intentions, so I wasn't mad...just taken back. Way back! Her exact words were, "I hate to see the Word of God being blasphemed by my pastor's wife." Wow. How do you even respond to that? She was using Titus 2 as her basis where it says that older women should teach the younger women to be (among other things) "workers at home." I do not believe this means every woman must only work at home, never outside the home. (Look at the Proverbs 31 woman) I think that's between you and God.

I think this a personal decision between God, your spouse and you. But what makes people presume to think you want their unsolicited opinion? And this happens a lot. Stay at home moms feel judged by working moms. Working moms feel judged by stay at home moms. Homeschool moms feel judged by other moms. "Go to school" moms feel judged by homeschool moms. It goes on and on. Why can't we support one another and just be MOMS? Without all the labels? I'll do my best for my family, and you do your best for your family. How about that?

Honestly, I don't see how working moms get everything done. I am in awe that they can go to work, plus still have time for homework, ball games, dance class, plus all the cooking, cleaning and laundry. Y'all deserve an award in my book! I sure couldn't do it. I can't do it all now and I'm home!! And just because I chose to stay home doesn't mean I think you hate your kids if you didn't choose that. When I was younger, I always said I would never be able to stay home, and there was a period when I stayed home that I was miserable. So I got a job! And then later I quit it, and then later.......

So, whatever your choice...don't feel locked in! Change is scary; and for us, losing that income was really scary. But SOOO worth it. I feel confident that I am "working" right where God wants me right now. What I lost in salary, I gained in so many other ways. And I'm so thankful for a supportive husband who let me figure out what I was supposed to do...and change my mind several times along the way!


Bottom line....who cares what someone else thinks? You do what God calls you to do and what is best for you and your family. Don't let someone bully you into thinking what you're doing is wrong. Let's support each others decision and both be the best moms we can be. K thanks.